Relationships, Community and Support
Preparing for the Phenomena of Postpartum Program
After you have a baby there is this balance of time that you want to be alone to bond with your baby and the need for other's to be around to support and help you so that you can rest and heal. Often times when too many family members or friends stop by to see the baby, mom ends up feel like she is hosting and the fact that she needs rest is overlooked. On the other end of the spectrum, if no one comes to support you in your postpartum time it is a quick way to feeling alone, isolated, and overwhelmed. Some times this means only allowing the visitors that understand you will not be hosting and will be helpful when they show up. Often times these feelings of wanting support but not wanting to host continue for much longer than the immediate postpartum period. We aren't meant to raise kids alone. Research on intact villages have shown that on average after a baby is born it is held by 14 different people. To clarify these 14 people are present in supporting the mother and new family, not just showing up to hold a baby which is often what happens in our culture.
I challenge you to get creative and think about how you can create your own village by identifying who would be supportive to you in your postpartum and asking for their specific help. Babies are wired for 4-5 close bonds. That tells us again that we are not meant to raise children alone. Since we are not meant to parent in isolation having a lack of support can put you at risk for developing postpartum mental health issues. It truly is not sustainable to parent alone so I urge you to explore what supports are available to you and get talk more during a clarity call if you are struggling to come up with enough support.
It is possible that after you become a parent that you experience changes in your relationships with your partner, family members and friends. This only makes sense because you, yourself are changing and being rebirthed into a new person. New friendships may develop as old friends change. You and your partner (if you have one) will be adding another dimension to your relationship and in your family of origin people may have to adjust to the fact that you are a parent as well. Be prepared for there to be an adjustment period in your relationships but don't let yourself get stuck in worrying about how things will change. You have no way to predict the future and can rest assured that everything will work out as it was meant to be.
For this section please:
-Head over to this link to discover what your love language is. Have your partner complete this quiz too (if applicable). The results will essentially give you a cheat sheet of how to make your partner feel seen, heard and loved by you.
-Check out this video on how to do a foot massage that would be great for your partner to watch. Comforting touch is so important in the pregnancy and postpartum.
More free videos from Yiska here: http://www.yiskaobadia.com/copy-of-free-videos
-Link to the this audio clip on alternatives to baby showers
-View the educational art work by Spirit Y Sol below.
-Head on over to my Resource page on my website and download the Postpartum Education and Support Inquiry Form. This form is a perfect thing to set out at a baby shower or another family event. It quickly educates your guests on why you will need their support in your postpartum time and provides a sign up sheet so they can put their name down for certain tasks they will be comfortable helping with.
-Complete the following Journal Prompts:
1. Who are some people that you could ask to support you in your postpartum period?
2. What types of things make you feel loved and taken care of? (What's your love language?)
3. What discussions do you need to have with your partner?
4. If you have other children who can you prepare them?
5. Do you have any concerns about how your relationship with your partner may change after becoming parents?
Remember: If taking in this information becomes uncomfortable for you it is important to shift and move these feelings. Feel them, identify what you need to learn from those feelings, then take action to move those feelings. This could look like free writing in your journal about your feelings, moving your body or expressing your feelings verbally. If you can't get unstuck, reach out to me and we will do a clarity coaching call.